I'm so fucking centered right now
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
