Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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