9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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