I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
