It was confusing and full of hummus
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
