She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
