The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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