he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
