Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
