the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
