I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
