I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
