also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
