So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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