My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
