We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
