there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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