Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
