do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
