Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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