This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
