Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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