'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize