non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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