My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
