so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm too high and old for this...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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