Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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