dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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