I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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