Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
