I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
