do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
