So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
