I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's shark week go big or go home
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
