You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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