My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
