Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
