I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
