So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
