It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize