It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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