OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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