she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My balls are so social today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
