Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
