I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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