Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
