We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's even glitter on my cock...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
