party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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