You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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