Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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