someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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