you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
