i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What a dumb baby whore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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