to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
