Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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