hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
