God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
