I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
