just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
